Feasting.

"Do everything for the love of God and His glory without looking at the outcome of the undertaking. Work is judged, not by its result, but by its intention." - Padre Pio

For whatever reason, ewtn.com chose this quote today to celebrate the Feast Day of Padre Pio. I won't pretend like I know a lot about Padre Pio, but what I will say is that this quote speaks directly to my life. Odd that they would choose this out of the entire Padre Pio spectrum of inspiration but nonetheless it is another reminder of my habit to make sure that I am always in control. I cannot tell you how often I dive into things simply because I know they will work out and not only work out but prove to be successful. I most often judge my own work on results, or pending results, not on intentions, which are most often centered around creating good results. Ironic how that works, right? Very rarely do I risk an undertaking that accompanies doubt or fear and when I do, its usually the "biggest risk in my life" thus far. Needless to say, I've only taken a handful of those. ;)

I know that this "conservative outlook" on my emotional, spiritual, and tangible endeavors – risking only as far as I feel safe – comes from my fears that He will not know how to take care of me in the ways I need to be taken care of; that the things I want won't be the things He wants for me; or that I have too much to lose by surrending control over to Someone Else. I fear results. I hate that I operate in this way. Thankfully, as I've gotten older, my ability to surrender has increased in noticeable increments; however, I continue to wish that I could define myself as 'wrecklessly abandoned.' I feel like this level of abandonment only renders good intentions, in turn yielding good results, whether or not they turn out as planned. I know God could use me in ways beyond my comprehension if I was wreckless in Him, even if just in my own spiritual life. If I truly believed that He ALWAYS has my best interests in mind, my intentions would revolve around Him, without concern for results. Its not like He hasn't proved it to me, if that's even necessary, but I continue to ask Him for more assurance, probably as a way of procrastinating the abandonment.

As a woman who understands her dire need of being in a trusting relationship with her Creator, I am thankful for my renewed desire to journey through this habit of craving control. I love the simplicity of focusing on intentions and not on results. My God, who loves me beyond my own comprehension, will yield only fruit from good & holy intentions. I must learn to ask myself, "Do I love Him through this endeavor? Am I sure this is not my own adventure?"